omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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