tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
