What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
