Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
