We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
