I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
