My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
