Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
