Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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