Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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