can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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