Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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