the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
