You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
