She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
