oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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