$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Who died my cat blue again?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
