Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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