I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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