Sry I called you an 8
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
