try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize