four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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