My friends, they love my intelligence
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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