Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Help. Why am I so naked?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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