Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
