just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
