You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
