Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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