i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize