if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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