Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You ate ashes out of my bong
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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