I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
