last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
