Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
