omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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