did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
