Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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