6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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