escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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