i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
