Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
