It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
