good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
