Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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