omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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