Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is Oprah even human
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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