I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
