3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
