Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
