I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize