I could make wine with my vomit
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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