It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
