dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
