So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
God I need to hump something, right now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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