i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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