I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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