LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
