For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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