I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
