New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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