she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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