he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's get the cat blown out
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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