Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The maid of honor just puked.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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