Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
