After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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