Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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