i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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