Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
