Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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