Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
