He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
