I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
how does that bad decision feel?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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