if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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