just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
