Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
