Kareoke will never be a sober sport
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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