Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
