My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
