Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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